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Mere sapno ki rani kab ayegi tu?

Words that Inspire!

"There are indeed many things in this world that can't be changed no matter how hard you try. That's why you can't hesitate when the time comes when you have to give it all you have got."


P.S: A quote from 'Ouran High School Host Club'!

Stay hungry and Stay foolish......

The other day I was watching Steve Jobs commencement speech at Stanford which got so famous. He concludes his speech saying 'stay hungry, stay foolish'!
Frankly I don't get what it's supposed to mean.....I am sure(well almost sure) that he didn't mean the words literally.......but if he did, then I should say I am doing a pretty good job.

I am a foodie. I am of the 'Live to eat' type!
Back in India I used to eat out a lot like a pig.The awesome chicken chat sandwich from Salt and Pepper, the delicious biryani from HB!!0_0
But here, you don't get that good Indian food and I am not that rich to afford to go to restaurants that often.You need to cook for yourselves here and even though I liked cooking as a hobby it becomes less fun when its a requirement.Anyways, have you ever seen an anime? Well most of the anime has this particular way of showing that a character is hungry......the character's stomach growls very loud! Well after coming here, believe me it happens to me almost everytime! I stay hungry a lot! :(

See that's why I say that I am doing the job of 'stay hungry and stay foolish' very well.
Oh, if you are wondering about the staying foolish part....I am a fool by birth! :P

I am so pissed off!

I am so pissed off......really pissed off....really really pissed off........ with myself!!!
This is the infinite'th time that I have screwed up my work!
Each time I keep saying to myself that 'I won't let it happen next time', only to let it happen again.
Screw me and my procrastination!

Read somewhere that telling people what you want to do might help you do those things. The logic is that you would do the work at least to not let people think that 'you are all talk but no action!'

So, here I am, openly sulking and I am saying this again 'Will not let it happen next time!'

Hoping that the theory works...........I am fed up with letting myself down! :sulk: :mad: :frustrated:

Random things!

I just thought this would be a good way to keep my blog alive!
Shall come up with some small posts about random things from now on! :P

I like the feeling you get when you are about to sneeze!

Is there anyone out there who likes it too? :P

Was it this way..........

Have you ever wondered seeing or observing a thing that is familiar to you and say 'has this been this way all the time?'
This happens to me, of course not very often,I could say almost rarely. But when it does, it really fills me with awe! Even though some things have been the way they are since you can remember, suddenly they appear to you in a total different way. This happens with real tangible objects and abstract things too. There is this almar that my mom uses. Its been in our house ever since I can remember. Given that fact I have seen it all the time. And suddenly one day I look at the handle of its door and I was 'was it this way all the time?' I started to wonder and look at it as if it were something mysterious from another world. The feeling though short lived was very enjoyable.

Coming to the other side of this thing, it sometimes happens with my life! :P
I mean, like when I first started to live away from my home in a hostel for my undergrad, even after it has had been a sem since I went there...suddenly when I woke up from my sleep one day, I had this feeling come to me...'Oh! I am staying in a hostel now, far away from home! Its only in my holidays that I get to be with my family!' The whole thing seemed so strange to me. I mean to the fact that my parents were someone whom I could see only in my holidays, or rather the fact that I am growing apart from them...I don't mean that in a bad way.....I could rather say that the fact that I was growing up (to become a total individual?) seemed so.......what? surreal I can say I guess!
This feeling as much as filled with awe, it had a tiny bit of melancholy to it too! Cause even if its common and natural, it still was a fact that I was growing apart from my family. Its an ambivalent feeling. Sometimes it makes me sad how a family grows apart. I mean like when I think of my father and his brother, how they must have been together when they were young like me and my bro now, and how they are now each with their own families, it makes me sad. I don't mean to say that the relations between my father and his brother are not good, but my point is how their lives have pretty much grown apart. The thought that this might happen to me and my bro makes me sad!

Anyways, now that there has been another major change in my life, I mean coming to the US for my masters, I suddenly had this feeling again. This time even with a tad more sadness cause it would be at least an year before I see my parents and bro. Of course even in India there was this one time when I didn't see them for an year, but the distance somehow adds the extra sadness.
Like I said this feeling is usually short lived. But it does makes me think of things like these!

Its like even though I know and realize change is inevitable, there is somepart of me that doesn't want to change!
I guess there is this somepart in everyone!

Return to Ignorance!

Do we belong to ourselves completely at least for a moment? Is that even a good thing? I want to be for once free of all the thoughts, all the worries, all the anguish, even all the happiness, all the excitement, all the anticipation....want to be free of it all. Want to be in the blissful ignorance. People sometimes say that our hearts are a white paper and all the ideas, opinions, emotions and thoughts that make us what we are, are the colours which colour the paper. So what ever colour my heart is right now, a happy one or a sad one or something that depicts all the emotions, what ever it is, I want it to go back to white. The pure angelic white. I don't know even if I will want this after sometime, but for now this is all what I want!

random conversation at 5:42 am(in the US) and 4:12 pm (in India) II

rust:

http://thegreatworrier.blogspot.com/

Phani@:

haha.....n1

rust:

to be true to the post....i should add even this i guess, but jus too lazy and also got a midterm to take care of!!!!!!!!! :P

P.S: No more sequels, don't worry! :P

random conversation at 5:42 am(in the US) and 4:12 pm (in India)

rust:

angry cat, huh?
will u be able to bell it? :P

Phani@:

was xpectin this qn. from som1...n here it comes frm the lazyy dogg
Yea.....n wait a week fr an apt answr

rust:

give me a guess for now....not a guess exactly, rather an opinion!!!!!! :P

Phani@:

hmm.... wudn't help the cause if Im not confident about it (atleast) now

Nyvay....Itz xactly the same situation as the prev. time :S Cant xactly deciphr nything frm the things going arnd !!

rust:

hmmmmmm............ok!!!!!!!! :P

Phani@:

hehe... lectures !! midterms !! :P !! sleep !! wat els ?? :P

rust:

listening to the recorded lectures for the midterm that is gonna be at 8.30 today(time now is 5:24 am) without sleeping(so fucking sleepy)!
its all one thing.......various forms of it! :P

Phani@:

haha....i envy u fr all those things

rust:

yeah yeah!
I envy you too.....jus for the food u are able to eat!!!!!!!!
of course i could give u more reasons if you want me to!!!!!!

rust:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xR0DKOGco_o&NR=1

Phani@:

hmm......no cat fight now
afterall, (being a lazyy dog ) help me bell the CAT ....

rust:

lazy dog ignores stupid annoying cat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phani@:

Wish I cud b that lazyyy cr8ure

rust:

hehehehehehe.......keep wishing!!!!!!!!!
anyways...listen to the song, i love it!!!!!!

Phani@:

yea....ok :)

अपनी तो जब अखियों से, बेह चले धार सि,
खिल पड़े वही एक हँसि, पिया तेरे प्यार की,
मैं जो नही हारी, सजन जरा सोचो,
किस लिए?
किस लिए?

('When tears start rolling down from my eyes, there is this smile that comes out of your love!
Oh, my dear.......What do you think is the reason that I haven't given up!'

Its a pathetic translation for the awesome original, but hopefully it won't leave people who don't understand hindi in the dark!)


A stanza from a beautifully written song and even more beautifully sung by lataji. Thought that it relates to my last post! :)

Lucky me!

Its amazing how an ounce of positive attitude changes the world around you. In fact I should say its amazing how your attitude changes the world around you. This leads to the question of how ones attitude, either a positive one or a not so positive one, is developed. I think that every one of is born the same and the attitude we develop depends on various factors like the environment one has grown in, the principles one has been taught etc etc. Probably I may not be right, probably its because of all the chemical reactions in the brain and the genes one has got. But anyways,as I said earlier it never ceases to surprise me, how the attitude changes the whole world around you (I know that I have used this a lot already, but pardon my poor writing skills for not coming up something else that is good). What amazes me even more is the fact the small things that tip the scales from positive to negative and vice versa. When everything is almost perfectly fine, when I have got no reason to worry or to be sad, I still at times feel very low and devoid of life. Half of the times it just passes away after a period of self pity or frustration. But sometimes I get lucky. I mean something happens that turns my mood immediately. It could be anything, probably seeing a bunch of clouds moving at their own slow pace in the blue sky on a sunny afternoon, or a squirrel running around trying to get some food(I am guessing it, I am not sure :p), or a heavy rain, or listening to a good old hindi song,or some good food or just the realization that I am lucky in a way that I have got people who care for me(family and friends) and that I have got no reason to be low!

I guess the last reason is the most important one, I mean the fact there is someone who cares for you, who loves you gives you the strength to fight against all the odds, small or big, in one's life.

You are lucky if you have got such people in your life!
You are luckier if you are that someone for somebody!


P.S: I have been lucky all my life and I am trying to get luckier! :D

Summer Afternoons

Hot Indian summers.......probably many of us don't like these and especially if you are staying or have stayed in places like vijayawada(a place that was called 'blazewada' by the British cause of its very high summer temperatures), I am sure you will definetely hate the season! But no matter where I am I think I can never get myself to not like the hottest season.Yeah I definetely get irritated with the heat, the constant sweating that makes me bathe several times a day, but this season offers me some treats which make me ignore all the non likeable parts.

The first thing it brings is holidays. Like most of the school students, I used to crave for holidays.Now being in the last sem of my undergrad almost everyday is a holiday but it wasn't the case when I was in school.Holidays meant great fun. Holidays meant going to Adoni(where my paternal grandparents and my aunt & uncle lived) or staying in the same place(Nandyal, where my maternal grandparents also lived). Either ways it was great fun cause I used to get to meet my cousins......maternal cousins usually if we stayed in Nandyal and paternal cousins if we go to Adoni. Usually it used to be both, I mean we used to visit Adoni such that we do not miss meeting any of them! Once with the cousins we had hell lot of things that we used to do.

With my bro being the eldest of our generation on my mother's side he used to kinda control us. I mean he was like a leader and we the rest - I,my uncle's two daughters, my older aunt's kids (a girl and a boy) and my younger aunt's kid (a boy), used to follow his lead. Our small gang was usually joined by the neigbour's kids who used to stay in the same compound.Our grandparents' house in Nandyal had lot of open space giving us the chance to play all sort of games. A typical summer day used to comprise of playing all day long with breaks for water and food in between. The kind of games we used to play depended on the time of the day....outdoor games in the morning and evening, indoor games if its damn hot in the afternoons or when its late night. The major outdoor games were tag and hide and seek, while the indoor ones consisted of lot of card games(not the deck of cards...by cards I mean simple pieces of paper with a word written on it) and traditional version of ludo. We used to use shells or tamarind seeds for the dice and the board was usually a wooden plank on which the squares for the game have been drawn. I will describe one simple card game that we often used to play. The game is played with five people. There are chits/cards with each one containing any one of the words king,queen, minister, police and thief written on them(and these weren't actually written in english, we used to write their equivalents in telugu). The cards are to be folded such that the words written on them aren't visible and each player has to take one card. The one who gets the king has to guess who the queen is. If he/she does it right the player gets a 1000 points and if he/she doesn't guess it correctly then the cards are exchanged without revealing the other card. Once exchanged the new king has to guess who the queen is. This continues until the king discovers the queen, the queen discovers the minister and so on until the thief is found. The queen gets 800 points, the minister 600, the police 400 for their respective correct guesses.The thief gets no points. After several rounds of the game, the one with the highest score is declared the winner.Silly as it may sound but I think I still like the game! Anyways besides all this playing summers also meant awesome mangoes.My favourite, was and is this type of mangoes called benishah(more popular as banginpalli). Not to forget the awesome mango dal with hot rice, the ice and milk candies that we used to buy from the local icecream vendors with the money that our grandparents used to give to us children. We used to take turns in asking the money for these little delicacies.God those days were fun!

Now the other side of the story....I mean the things we used to do when we used to go to Adoni. My bro used to loose his authority as there was this cousin...my aunt's elder daughter being the eldest of all the paternal cousins. But he used to still retain the leadership among us, the boys (my bro, my aunt's son and me).Like in Nandyal besides our small gang we used to have lots of neighbour's kids with whom we used to play. The typical schedule for a day is the same as that in Nandyal but the major difference was the kind of games we used to play. My aunt's daughters being quite older than us, played lot of sports and so we used to have all kinda things there...I mean we used to have the stuff like shuttle racquets, football, hockey sticks, tennis balls etc. So we used to play proper sports like badminton, cricket etc. We also used to make up our own games using the football. The indoor games consisted of chinese checkers, carroms etc.We used to make up teams and play carroms for money(ofcourse the bets never exceeded 5 rupees as far as I remember and usually used to be two rupees). Hide and seek was one major game which we used to play both in Nandyal and Adoni. Usually we sometimes played our own indoor version of hide and seek.Other indoor games were using proper cards(plastic deck of cards) but obviously not the well-known games. We used to build buildings using those cards, the biggest one had 7 storeys as far as I can remember! Coming to the food....we often used to have ice creams both the local ones and the branded ones(JOY's raspberry, chocobar and cones) and sugarcane juice!

The best thing about summer is the silent afternoons. I love them.Its usually very calm in the afternoons and in the silence you can hear each and every sound clearly. The sound made by dry leaves when some one walks over them, the chirping of birds and what not.We used to have a big swing.....something as big as a single bed in our verandah in my grandparents house at Adoni. I clearly remember this afternoon. I was lying on the swing....the swing swinging very slowly and it was completely calm. There was this cuckoo singing its sweet song. I imitated it and said 'koo' and it replied with 'koo'.This contined for sometime and I fell asleep. That was an awesome experience.How I wish I could relive those moments!

All this was until my 7th standard. After my seventh standard things changed a lot...we moved from Nandyal to some other placed called Pamarru which is very far away from both Nandyal and Adoni and then to lot of other places.We also got busy with our studies later....I mean the 10th, the Intermediate, Undergrad. Probably it was that I grew out of my childhood,I never had such fun after my 7th standard. Even after all the changes one thing remained unchanged and that is my liking for the calm summer afternoons. I still enjoy and cherish them with the same fervour that I used to have when I was a kid. I just enjoyed one such afternoon today! :D

Why?

Why do I feel all alone even though I am surrounded by friends all the time? Why do I feel deserted when I know there are people for whom I am the centre of the world? Why do I realize the value of things that I have only after losing them? Why is that all I can now see is black and white when I was capable of seeing colours once? Why is that I don't even care about things which I once used to love? Why is that I don't even try to do things that seem interesting? Why is that I now depend on my luck rather on my sweat? Why is that all I do is talk but not act? Why is that I am letting my life pass by but not living it? Why is that I dont even like me now when I was a narcissit once? Why?